margin
how it works, and why
Margin is a small translator that sits between two people — one who is often running out of capacity, and one who wants to help. It turns capacity into a signal, intent into the right shape of help, and silence into something other than rejection.
the problem it's built for
The hardest gap in a supported life isn't lack of effort. It's the gap between I'm drowning and being able to say so. One person is overloaded and can't find the words; the other is willing and keeps guessing wrong. Both end the day feeling like they failed.
Late-diagnosed autistic adults in burnout often describe life as "running with no margin." The name is the goal: give the margin back.
the workflow
- sharer Set the weather. A slider from 0 to 10 and one honest line about what's true right now. That's the whole ask — no essay, no explanation. Signals the sharer already produces (calendar density, sleep, one-tap tiles) can suggest a number, but the slider always has the last word.
- margin Draft a nudge. Margin turns the reading into a short, SMS-shaped suggestion for the partner, drawing on the couple's playbook — phrases the two of you agreed on in advance, in a calm moment. A guard keeps drafts short and free of clinical language.
- sharer Approve it. Nothing reaches the partner that the sharer didn't read and approve first. Edit it, send it, or throw it away — the sharer is the dial, every single time.
- partner Receive something usable. The partner gets a text they can act on, and a quiet web page: the current weather, anything that would land right now, and small ways to take something off the sharer's plate — each with a concrete starter.
- partner Close the loop. A tap — got it, skip, not for me — and later, did it land or not. No paragraphs required on either side.
- margin Learn the pair. What landed and what didn't feeds the next draft. Margin learns this relationship, not people in general — what worked last Tuesday matters more than what works on average.
capacity is weather, not a grade
A low number is not a failure and not a verdict on the relationship — it's a forecast, like rain. You don't argue with rain; you bring a coat. That's why the partner view never shows red, never shows streaks or scores, and says "running low" instead of anything that could read as blame. The useful question is never why is it low? — it's what fits this weather?
the theory, briefly
Capacity is a budget. Sensory load, masking, meetings, and decisions all spend from the same limited pool, and in burnout the pool refills slowly. When it's empty, speech and planning are often the first things to go — which is exactly when help is hardest to ask for. So Margin never demands words at the worst moment; one slider and one line is the entire cost of asking.
The gap is mutual, not one-sided. Neurodivergent and neurotypical partners misread each other in both directions — the double-empathy problem. Silence reads as rejection; "how can I help?" reads as one more demand. A translator in the middle lets each side speak in the form that fits this moment, without making either one wrong.
Help has a shape. The same offer can land as rescue or as pressure depending on capacity. At a 2, a yes/no question beats an open-ended one; at a 7, a plan is welcome. The playbook captures the shapes this pair has already agreed work, so the system suggests from consent, not from guesswork.
Trust is the substrate. A perfect signal that breaks trust is a failure. The sharer approves everything, sees everything shared, and can pause or revoke the partner's view at any time. Without that, this would be surveillance — and surveillance helps no one.
The score is what didn't happen. Margin doesn't count tasks. Success is the shutdown that didn't happen, the evening that didn't collapse, the repair conversation nobody had to have. Quiet weeks are the system working.
what's shared — and what never is
The partner sees:
- a capacity band and how fresh it is
- suggestions the sharer approved before they were sent
- helpable items the sharer agreed to surface, with starters
The partner never sees:
- raw notes, brain-dumps, or anything unapproved
- location, health records, or messages with anyone else
Either person can stop everything at any time: the partner by replying STOP to any text, the sharer with the partner-view switch in settings. Details in the privacy policy.
Built for the days when words are hard, so the help can still be easy.